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Self-esteem and interpersonal relationships
People with low self-esteem have fewer real friends. Some simply stay away from other people because they fear others' evaluation of them. Others have lots and lots of acquaintances but few people that they really trust and that trust them. These low self-esteem individuals simply try to be friends with everyone because they are not strong enough to choose their friends. Even though they have several "friends" whom they don't actually get any "good vibes" from, they do not consider it an option to stop hanging out with them. In order to choose your friends you need to (1) be conscious of whom you feel good about yourself with and (2) dare to stop socialising with those who don't give your positive feelings regardless of what they may think about you. Having no friends would to some people with low self-esteem be the same as being a nobody. Therefore, they prefer having lots of friends even if they don't feel good in their company rather than having no or very few friends. A person with low self-esteem may have exchanged more business cards than anyone else, but shared deep feelings with hardly anyone.
People with low self-esteem have problems with trust and with feeling accepted and appreciated. They often worry about what others might think about them and so they avoid showing who they really are. Instead they adapt depending on the situation and on the people around them. Unfortunately, if you don't let others know who you really are you will not be loved for who you are. This is another reason to why people with low self-esteem have fewer real friends. Even when these people with low self-esteem do get appreciation and love, they cannot receive it. Deep down they don't feel like they deserve it and therefore they get embarrassed or suspicious whenever somebody expresses positive attitudes towards them. Low self-esteem people find it much more difficult to feel loved, feel accepted, and feel belonging even when the love, acceptance and group to belong to is right in front of them. They are suspicious of others and expect hatches whenever somebody does something positive to them.
People with low self-esteem not only find it difficult to deal with situations when they are treated in a positive way by others, they also find it difficult to deal with the negative situations. For example, as I teach in my self-esteem distance courses, people with low self-esteem are often bad at responding to negative feedback. They might become very defensive and blame others or other things, or they might turn the reaction inwards and become very sad for a long time. Some psychologists believe that your self-esteem is dependent on your level of inclusion or exclusion with others. This could explain why people with low self-esteem get more hurt in situations when they become excluded from others, such as when they do not get invited to a party that many of their other friends are going to. Low self-esteem people feel excluded and unwanted more easily than people with high self-esteem.
The good news? You canraise your self-esteem! Let the Self-Esteem Coach show you how!
Liv Miyagawa – The Self-Esteem Coach
More articles about self-esteem and relationships:
Why do People with Low Self-esteem have More Arguments with their Partners?
Why is it More Likely that Your Partner will Leave You if You Have Low Self-esteem?