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How A Coach Can Help You

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The coaching process has three phases:

1) To clarify what you want;

2) To map out an action plan to get what you want;

3) To be supported to the realization of the vision, dream, or goal.

These phases happen in each session and they are also mirrored in the coaching relationship between the coach and the client. All three phases are included in every coaching project.

In addition, there are three assumptions that are always present in an MMS transformational coaching session :

1) people possess their own answers to their individual challenges;

2) people possess the personal power to make their intrinsic answers become reality;

3) people can have their visions, dreams, and goals become reality.

If these assumptions are not true for you, it is going to be a challenge to empower another. If you are to coach another person, you need to believe in him or her. If you are to believe in them, you must first believe in you. If you have had the experience of discovering your own answers, it will be much easier to believe that someone else truly has their own answers inside of them as well. If you have been able to manifest your heart’s desires, then it will be much easier for you to trust that another can manifest their vision also. If you allow support to empower you, it will be easier for you to completely support another.

Bridging the gap

When the stretch between where you are presently and the desired future reality is more than you can imagine, a coach helps you bridge the gap between “here” and “there.” A coach helps you manage the “I Cant’s” that surface in the form of confusion, doubt, uncertainty and fear that can sabotage your dreams. Every time you achieve another goal you either contribute to the evolution of the “Self” or the inflation of the ego. Your identity changes each time you grow into increased dimensions of yourself.

I had been out of school working for 15 years when I discovered having the desire to complete my education and get my masters and Ph.D. The people surrounding me said, “You don’t need it. You have built your business successfully and you don’t need that piece of paper. You certainly don’t need to spend the time, energy and money at this phase of your life.” Although they were right, the urge to continue my education was persistent and wouldn’t go away. I kept imagining myself researching, writing papers, and stimulating my intellect. The dilemma I faced was whether to listen to my friends and attempt to dismiss the “message,” or to trust the message and apply for graduate school.

My mind reminded me that no one in our family had pursued educational levels beyond University. I called my coach and asked if we could have a session on graduate school. The session allowed me to connect to my internal motivation and simultaneously assess what others were saying to me. In the session I outlined a plan to fully research the options and see if graduate school was truly my choice. I received a brochure that spoke to my situation, my aspirations, and to me personally. I applied, was accepted and eight years later I graduated. It was with the support of Lynn, my coach that I aligned my energies toward my goal and made a choice for my future. This was a specific issue that would definitely not leave me alone. You may have one of these secret desires that simply won’t go away. How you deal with or suppress your “message” will directly influence how you deal with your client’s secret wishes when they surface in a session.

Start Your Year with Focus

Each January you can meet with your coach to help you determine your goals for the year. If you don’t have goals, you could easily become confused as to where to focus your energy. You might simply go with the flow or see what shows up in your life. If you want to take control of your own destiny then you have to do the work of assessing your preferences, your talents, capabilities and formulating your goals. Once you have formulated your goals, then your coach can know what you want to achieve. If you don’t know what you want, a coach can also help you determine what you value and where you want to direct your time and energy. The coaching conversation regarding values, focus, and goal setting aligns both of your energies toward the agreed upon objective. This is a good starting place for a new coaching relationship.

A Sounding Board

A coach can also help you externalize your thoughts and feelings regarding your goals. Formulating goals is important, but stating them doesn’t automatically guarantee that they will happen. It isn’t like the genie from the lamp who looms up in front of you asking for your three wishes. You must focus, intend, and do whatever you need to do to make your goals become reality. Your coach will encourage you to share your secret wishes, dreams and goals. A coach helps you track your progress, recognize, reinforce and reward the achievement of your desired outcomes. Sometimes the thoughts and feelings regarding a specific issue become jumbled in your mind. When this happens, the coach serves as an objective entity who can help you sort out the spaghetti of the mind into individual strands so that you can make choices.

The definition of choice is: “To select freely from a series of alternatives that which you want.”

Mirroring Back How you Sound

Your coach will also act as a mirror enabling you to see what is evading or obscuring your view. Imagine that you are cutting the hair on the back of your head. Of course, it is possible to do this with mirrors surrounding you, however the activity might require some double-jointed positions. There may be easier ways of cutting the back of your hair that could be far less stressful. Your coach enables you to see that which obscures your view, without bending over backwards.

Learning to Believe in You

Another area in which your coach can be incredibly useful is in helping you to believe in yourself. Research has shown that people who believe in themselves are much more likely to make their dreams come true than those who don’t. If your dream requires you to stretch your self image, then your coach can help you find the building blocks between your current perception of self to your desired identity.

Getting back on your feet

A coach can also help when you encounter disappointment, disillusionment or rejection. When your big goal seems to constantly be shutdown, you’re told that “You’re crazy,” or everyone says, “I’m not interested,” your coach can either help you re frame these experiences or assist you in overcoming the objections and breaking through the blocks.

The Crossroad

Sometimes it is difficult to sort out what direction you should take. Deciphering whether the circumstances indicate that you should abandon a project or whether the indicators are simply tests to see how much you really want something. For instance, is this a message or is it a test? Am I supposed to press through the obstacle or am I supposed to cut my losses because there is no way to win in this situation? For instance, I asked my husband if he would take flying lessons with me and he refused saying he experienced motion sickness. So I started taking lessons by myself and John Kennedy Jr. then died in his historic crash. Then, three weeks later, the flight school that I signed up with went out of business. I kept encountering one obstacle after another and I started to wonder if I was really supposed to do this or were the signs telling me that this was foolhardy. I completed my flight training but it wasn’t without challenges.

Embarking on a new Chapter

What happens when you’ve accomplished what you set out to achieve? Perhaps your company was acquired, merged, or went public, then what do you do?

A coach will help you acknowledge yourself, sort out your new aspirations, help you choose what is in your best interest, and embark on your new venture.

Goals are used for Personal Development

What becomes of those goals that never come to fruition? What happens to those wishes, good intentions, and secret dreams? Your coach will help you discover the lessons that you can learn from those unrealized dreams so that you can see the insight and grow from everything that happens to you. Why do some goals become derailed? Why do some people perpetually stay overweight? Why do others feel the frustration of never materializing the relationship they desire? Why do some stay in dead-end jobs perpetually envying others who appear to have fulfillment and financial success? The unrealized goals become the fodder for your personal development program. While you examine the what, the why, and the “why nots” of your specific goal, your coach supportively encourages you to look deeper to find the “Real Truth,” and not settle for what appear to be reasons, justifications, and explanations for n
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